AbuseAtHome

The statistics indicate that when one parent, typically the male, is abusive to the other parent, the children are more likely to be abused as well. What the statistics do not indicate is that even if the child is not actually struck or harmed, simply living in a household where there is lots of fear or tension, a household where the parents cycle through the cycle of violence for example, is damaging to the child's attachment process and actually changes the brain, sensitizing the child to fear. A person who has learned that he/she cannot protect themselves(and is therefore helpless) is more likely to resort to violence as a tool to exert some control in their lives, which can leave someone...

Emotionally abusive relationships can be difficult to leave, despite the pain and emotional destruction that they cause. Often, the victim feels worthless and incapable of managing alone, and this makes it very difficult for the victim to feel as if a break up is feasible. However, there are strategies you can employ to help you hold your resolve and follow through with a decision to leave an emotionally abusive relationship. Here are 3 strategies to avoid returning to an emotionally abusive relationship: 1. Spend time with your support network as often as possible. Surround yourself with close friends, trusted family members, and support professionals like counselors or coaches. This is...

Assault and domestic violence are very prevalent in Utah.  As a criminal defense attorney I have discovered that once the domestic incident is over, a spouse or a loved one often does not want the defendant prosecuted.  Unfortunately, once the police are called, it is not up to the alleged victim to decide whether to drop the charges or not.  The following is a list of issues and laws relevant to assault or domestic violence charges.   - First, Utah does have what is called the spousal privilege.  In other words, the State cannot make a husband or wife take the stand to testify against his or her spouse.  Many times, the only evidence supporting a domestic violence or assault charge is a...

When you're not serving up what your abusive partner desires, what happens? The tension grows until he/she smacks you-emotionally, verbally or physically-as though to shake you awake and release the conflict within him/her. Sound familiar? If you're living in an abusive relationship with your intimate partner, your child, or some other family member or friend, you know these dynamics like the back of your hand. Also note that having words for them is another thing. Read on to clarify these points of conflict in your abusive relationship so you may better cope with your own personal experience. 1) The assault is not about you. Rather, it is the other person's maneuver to bring about comfort within...

The plight of those suffering at the hand of domestic violence has been the centre of attention for many government officials and legal commentators. Previous governments have worked tirelessly to develop a network of specialised domestic violence courts and pass legislation such as the Domestic Violence, Crime and Victims Act 2004, in order to protect those victims. But those women who are trying to leave abusive and dangerous relationships find it frustrating to find legal advice, according to solicitors in London. The Legal Services Commission have attempted to try and enable women in difficult situation to find publicly funded legal help. This was done in a variety of forms. The upper income...

Many immigrants who travel to and settle in the United States are subjected to poor living conditions and possibly even abusive relationships. As an immigrant, you may feel disoriented in a new country and may think that you have no power to speak up against domestic violence. Many immigrants who experience abuse, particularly those here illegally, keep quiet because they are afraid of the possibility of deportation or retaliation from their abusers. However, in the United States immigrants have certain rights regardless of their immigration status, which may help you escape a cycle of violence at home. Overcoming Your Fears If you or your children are being abused at home, you are likely suffering...

In your relationship, you felt like you could not trust your own instincts and games were played with your mind. Even though you left the abuser, you are left with the residue of these thoughts around the clock. The Most Important Building block for your recovery foundation is Validation and Self Approval. If you are like me, you are probably looking at these words as somewhat foreign. The only validation you may have received in your relationship came from your abuser in the words- you are not enough and why can't you just do what I ask. Are those words familiar? In order to feel that you are worthy of being in recovery and break the cycle of entering into another abusive relationship, learning to...

Some battered women take objection to the idea of helping abused men as though this poses a conflict of professional commitments. However, I see it differently. In my own practice of helping battered women, I'm keenly aware that many of the male abusers that they are entangled with were raised by controlling abusive mothers. My belief is that if we are to end domestic abuse, it is our professional responsibility to address intimate partner violence in all of its forms, including that of female batterers as well as male batterers. Domestic Abuse Is a Human, Genderless Relationship Condition Abuse is fundamentally about control. Violence may be a manifestation of domestic abuse, but domestic violence...

It is unfathomable to most people that the person they are dating or in love with could possibly harm them. More often than not it is friends or family who initially see something. They might tell you that something is 'not right' in the relationship. It is estimated that more than 60% of relationships have some form of abuse. American Institute of Domestic Violence reports:o 85-95% of all domestic violence survivors are femaleo Over 50,000 women are stalked by an intimate partner each yearo 5.3 million women are abused each yearo 1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partnero Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to womeno Women are more likely to be attacked by someone they...

Abused intimate partners do come in all shapes and sizes, and most definitely there are some themes characterizing them. Some people will tell you low self-esteem is one of these characteristics. But what came first: the chicken or the egg? I would venture to say it could go either way. I see an inordinate number of highly functioning, high-end professionals, well educated and with a six-figure income who are abused by their intimate partners. What I notice is these women and men evidence "conditioned disassociation." This conditioning is how he/she grows to disregard him/herself. Over time, the abused partner grows to see him/herself as they are told they are seen by their intimate partners. And...

Having worked as a counselor and director of a shelter for domestic violence victims and their children for almost 18 years, I am familiar with the services these agencies offer. Shelters have resources. Shelters know how to help victims who need to hide. And while they provide safety, support, and many other valuable services for victims, there is a tool through the teachings of the Law of Attraction which is extremely helpful for any person who is being stalked or lives in constant fear of being found by another. Although many victims of domestic violence benefit greatly from services provided from these agencies, there are many who still carry a great deal of fear months or years after being away...

Domestic violence can happen in any relationship, but often takes the strongest hold in relationships in which one spouse is dependent upon the other. Unequal financial earnings can create the potential for an abusive relationship because one spouse may use his or her financial advantage to hold power over the other person. In marriages involving domestic abuse, victimized spouses may feel that there is no escape because they have no way to support themselves. On the contrary, there are resources that can help an abused spouse escape the cycle of violence. Filing for Divorce and Requesting Alimony If you are a victim of domestic violence, consider talking with an experienced divorce lawyer about how...

People say that domestic violence victims have serious boundaries issues...which they do. And so do the perpetrators that they live with. It comes with the territory of being in an abusive relationship. You might think of it as two people having a tolerance for the actions of the other. Or, it can be seen as operant conditioning in play wherein one person conditions the other to surrender their boundaries for safety in the relationship. Abusive relationship help typically recognizes these boundary issues. Abuser's Lack of Boundaries From his point of view, "If you are in relation to him, he has the right to all that is you." For example, when he asks you a question, he expects you to deliver an...

Battered women and abused men are accustomed to being the scapegoat for the problems in their abusive relationships. They are routinely told:o "It's your fault, you made me do it, say it, etc.,"o "If you weren't so ________, it wouldn't have happened."o And oh yes, remember this one: "None of this ever happened anyway...It's all in your head, crazy-psycho." Let's face it, "being the problem" goes hand-in-hand with being in an abusive relationship. It's what the perpetrator wants you to believe and it's also what you have bought into believing. It's part of the ugly glue that binds the abusive relationship. Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship knows this well. So then why do you suppose...

When two people become engaged and then married, in the forefront of their minds are their love for each other. They are probably envisioning a lifetime of married bliss possibly surrounded by a brood of kids. The possibility of spousal abuse in their marriage is something that they've probably never envisioned. And yet, one of the primary reasons given for couples divorcing in the U.S. is spousal physical abuse or emotional abuse. In most cases the target of the domestic abuse is the woman. And it's difficult to overstate the danger that the woman and the children could be in if the husband is unable or unwilling to deal with his anger issues. But in many cases, especially in cases of verbal abuse...

Police officials and government authorities are all in agreement in acknowledging that domestic abuse is a strong precursor to tragic and fatal conclusions of domestic conflicts. In most cases the rage at home is stoked by alcohol and drug abuse. What is most tragic about this problem is that you may end up with an injured or even a dead victim or victims. This is a serious and dangerous issue that lurks in our homes and requires the legal remedies which one can get through the expert advice of a competent Las Vegas domestic abuse lawyer. What police authorities are concerned about is that in most instances a victim of domestic violence would choose to suffer in silence. Therefore, quite often...

Oklahoma domestic violence rates are often startling. The state is continually making headlines for its high number of child abuse cases, and it ranks 7th in the nation for women murdered by men.  According to a 2002 report by the Oklahoma State Department of Health, 91% of those seeking emergency medical treatment for injuries from intimate partner violence were women; only 9% of the injured victims requiring emergency services were men. However, as any law enforcement official or Oklahoma domestic violence lawyer can attest, not every domestic dispute fits the stereotype or matches the statistics.  One recent domestic violence conviction in Oklahoma proves the exception. On July 22, 2010, a 70...

Domestic abuse or violence is the physical or emotional abuse in the hands of a spouse or an intimate partner. In the United States more than 80,000 women suffer from it every year and also report incidents of abuse to 911. The law enforcement receives a call for domestic violence for every 10 seconds in the country on an average. The statistics on domestic violence is staggering. Domestic violence other than having an impact on the emotional and physical well being of a person also degrades the quality of work of the person who is going through it. A person cannot mentally or physically work to their potential when they have been through a bout of domestic violence. Several States have come to...

Today in the course of my work I came across some statistics on women who are victims of Intimate Partner Violence. It seems that 46% of women enrolled in an HMO in Idaho had suffered Intimate Partner Violence, sometimes called domestic abuse or spousal abuse. Although the abuse had ended, 5 years later their average healthcare costs were 20% higher than other women. Their health care costs were also two times higher for mental health visits and 6 times higher for alcohol or drug visits. This study was published by the Us Department of Health and Human Services: Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality. These statistics say a myriad of things to us. They speak to the long term affects of abuse and...

People say that the system doesn't work. What I see is people not working the system to their advantage. This is especially true for battered women in divorce court. Now this doesn't mean that they are responsible for the system failures, any more than they are responsible for their perpetrator's battering behavior. What it means is that there are so many things that can be done along the way to build one's case and block divorce abuse. Here are a few pointers to help you improve the way the system works and the way you work the system... 1) Keep the court record straight. Now to some litigants this could mean hold the thought that your attorney has a full copy of your court record. For others it...

Domestic abuse can be very damaging to families both physically and emotionally. These crimes are taken very seriously by the court systems. There are many different types of household abuse, each of which carries different legal consequences. Understanding some of the common legal penalties for domestic violence can help anyone struggling with a domestic abuse situation. Physical violence is usually what people think of regarding household abuse. This can include common forms of abuse like punching, hitting, pushing, and throwing things. However, there are also less common forms of physical abuse which include things like false confinement or imprisonment or denying necessary medical treatment...

An abusive relationship can mean more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you.  Emotional and psychological abuse, while not requiring hospital visits, can be as devastating as actual physical violence.  Many survivors find that emotional abuse is difficult to talk about and they often wonder if it is even serious because it isn't visible, like bruises or broken bones.  Verbal and emotional abuse often takes place in private, where the abuser becomes a totally different person to the one in the public eye. Be aware that Verbal abuse often escalates into physical abuse, starting with ‘accidental' shoves, pushes and bumps as your partner attempts to ‘control' you.  If...

Domestic violence is a common occurrence in our society, every day, every minute. The Domestic Violence Resource Center provides the following shocking and sobering data. * "On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day." * "The health-related costs of intimate partner violence exceed $5.8 billion each year. Of that amount, nearly $4.1 billion are for direct medical and mental health care services, and nearly $1.8 billion are for the indirect costs of lost productivity or wages." * "Nearly three out of four (74%) of Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence." * "Between 600,000 and 6 million...

tic Violence is physical or psychological assault with an intention to do harm or impose superiority over your partner or ex-partner. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), wife beating, wife battering are other such terms that are often used to represent domestic violence. If we believe on the statistics presented by American Institute on Domestic Violence then the health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking, and homicide by intimate partners exceed $5.8 billion each year. 94% of corporate security directors rank domestic violence as a high security risk. 68% of senior executives surveyed agreed that their company’s financial performance would benefit from addressing the issue of...

"If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Sounds so sensible, doesn't it? If this bit of common sense were practiced more often by women and men before their abusive relationship fully establishes, then there would be far less intimate partner violence. Why do people choose not to factor in truths already revealed? Why do people turn their head and look the other way? Why do people say to themselves, what is isn't? If you have ever been in an abusive relationship or if you are standing in the path of one developing, this article is for you. Let's take a look at the underlying psychology between you and the reality of your circumstances. 1) You so want it to be as you...

"When I tell you 'no,' you wear me down until I tell you 'yes.' And then I wonder what I'm doing with you, because deep down inside I know I'm not happy." Sound familiar? Domestic violence survivors tell me that they frequently have no say in couple's decisions. Instead, they have a routine charade of "getting her consent" when the fact is what she really does is give up on holding her own. One-Way Decisions in Abusive Relationships The push-pull becomes so unpleasant that pursuing her wishes costs more in turmoil than not having her wishes fulfilled in the first place. She becomes practiced in the path of least resistance. It is not even about compromising. It's more about keeping his battering or...

When you pull it back and stand whole in yourself, you may look at that man/woman and authentically say, "I love you." This may be hard to hear if you think domestic abuse is the only issue. Many people look to their partners to fill the piece missing within themselves. And they rationalize their choice of this particular partner with something like, "He/she complements me." But, seeing your wholeness as dependent on the presence of this other person poses potential problems for both of you. The obvious is that your seeing, feeling and being whole is completely dependent on that person. And they are elevated in your eyes to provide you with a lasting job that they can never really fulfill... making...

There are no "right" or "wrong" answers when it comes to domestic violence. Each situation is as unique as each person living it. You heard me. There are as many variations to this story as there are people living it. So, don't let anyone tell you what you "should" or "shouldn't" do. Far too often survivors of domestic abuse look to other people for answers to questions that truly lie within. They pursue the "wisdom" of those they pay for legal advice to those that shelter them from the danger in their homes. And sadly, they do this all awhile ignoring their own inner most wisdom. It's almost as if their inner voice does not speak to them or they have become accustomed to letting its guidance fall...

With the constant bombardment of bad news stories in the media today, it is not surprised people are experiencing high levels of stress. There is a saying that when stress you take it out on the ones you love most. It is at times like this that both verbal and emotional abuse maybe on the rise, and even worse, an increase in domestic violence. The risk of being caught in an abusive relationship has never been higher especially in young people. When young people think they fall in love, become to scared to move on and end up being stuck with someone who mistreats them. The horrific thing here is that you start thinking it is acceptable to be treated this way and defend your partner. So how can you...

4 Signs of Emotional Abuse - Isolation and Humiliation. An emotional abuser wants to make his or her partner feel bad constantly. In order to keep the victim down, the abuser looks for ways to keep the victim for getting support. The abuser usually has a number of reasons why the victim shouldn't spend time with family or friends. - The Blame Game. If you ask an abuser, he will never say that anything is his fault. Abusers blame the victims for "making them do it." They also have a lot of other excuses for why the behave unacceptably. From a bad childhood to a bad day, the blame always belongs on something or someone else. - Intimidation. Abusers use threats to get their partners to do what they...