AbuseAtHome

in the headlines about the presidential election and the stock market meltdown is the fact that October is the month dedicated to controlling domestic violence. The irony is that the financial shock waves are likely to increase the prevalence of abuse. The economic turmoil will undoubtedly lead to greater fears, pressure and anxiety within families facing financial collapse - and, in many cases, that stress will lead to battering. The Centers for Disease Control believes that 10% of the population is affected by domestic abuse, although it is estimated that only one-third of these cases are actually reported. It is the most common cause of injury for women ages 15 to 44 who suffer physical as well...

When you hire a domestic violence attorney, don't expect him to build your defense all alone. There are steps you can take to help the process go more smoothly. Keep in mind that a conviction of domestic violence can render serious consequences, including prison time. And by legal definition, domestic violence isn't always just limited to physical abuse. It can also be defined as psychological and emotional abuse. So what you say and how you say it when around your accuser can make a difference moving forward, regardless of what has happened in the past. Be Totally Honest It's important that you be totally honest with your domestic violence lawyer. If you did the crime, you should tell your attorney...

Balancing activity and rest sounds so simple, yet is extremely significant to our well-being and proper functioning. I see domestic violence survivors often ignore this. Doing so compounds their stress. Domestic Violence and Ignoring Personal Maintenance Now, I don't honestly believe that their having been exposed to domestic violence is the cause for not being vigilant about balancing activity and rest. I think it has more to do with the habits they have acquired along the way. If you're accustomed to the world revolving around another person, you loss sight of your own internal clock. And if you believe that you are second to this "other person," then you may even be accustomed to denying the...

Domestic violence laws are becoming more obscure under current laws. It is getting to be easier to prosecute a person under these laws for almost any crime committed in the home. They encompass abuse against a family member, significant other, or basically anyone living under the same roof with you. You need to find out state specific laws when it comes to violent crime the same as any other. Domestic violence attorneys are knowledgeable in the laws that govern your specific geographic location. When you move to a new area or work outside of your home state you will be subject to local laws and jurisdictions. The adage ignorance of the law is no excuse carries over into this area just like other...

Shelters are run, funded, and managed either by governments or by volunteer non-government organizations. According to a 1999 report published by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, there are well over 2000 groups involved in sheltering abused women and their off-spring. This article is meant to be a general guide to seeking and finding help in shelters. It does not contain addresses, contacts, and phone numbers. It is not specific to one state or country. Rather, it describes options and institutions which are common the world over. You should be the one to "fill in the blanks" and locate the relevant shelters and agencies in your domicile. Read this article on other options and...

Domestic abuse is all too common in the world. In almost 20 percent of all marriages in the United States, couples push, shove, punch, pull, hit, or otherwise assault each other. Emotional abuse,threats, intimidation, humiliation, insults or degrading remarks and controlling,dominating behavior is common. The good news, however is that help is available through psychological and family counseling. Younger couples are most prone to abuse and violence, and, without intervention, it often escalates in intensity or frequency. Shoving or pushing is the way most violence begins in young marriages. Spouses frequently ignore early abusive events and rationalize that once the current problems are over, the...

tic Violence and Elder Abuse – It’s Unforgivable It really may not be as unusual as it appears. It is a form of domestic abuse which is often not given the attention it deserves. Old age somehow seems to rob people of their rights to complain along with most of their other faculties. Somehow elders are seen as less than human with their weakened perceptions and altered appearances. Just because they have lost their powers of sight or articulation or mind, it really can’t be taken to mean that they don’t hurt or feel emotions. Thousands of essays on domestic violence issues are written everyday, but rarely does one come across one analyzing elder abuse, which also takes place...

Common thinking is that domestic violence is a misfortune that befalls the lower class. We hear about them more, we see more of them, we have public services to care for their needs...but that doesn't make them in the majority when it comes to domestic abuse. I would venture to say that we are looking at a relative representation of the population; not a socio-economic indicator of domestic abuse. Would you know a battered queen if you saw one? Moreover, would you recognize yourself as one if that were indeed the case? Who Are the Battered Queens? Battered queens come in all shapes and sizes. They can be doctors, lawyers, movie stars, financial experts.... They may be stay at home moms who drive a...

Normally, alcohol works to make people feel more mellow and relaxed. It slows down your brain, which makes some people sleepy. However, there are people who instead become loud and angry after drinking alcohol. Thus, this can make it seem like alcohol makes people more likely to commit domestic violence. But is there an actual link between alcohol and abuse? First, it is important to understand how alcohol affects your body, especially your brain. It increases the effects of the inhibitory signaling in your brain, which decreases your reaction speed as well as your coordination. However, alcohol also makes it more difficult for you to think clearly and make rational decisions. Thus, if someone has...

Have you ever wondered who and what is driving the war you are in...the court charade in your family law matter? Battered women ask, "What keeps this darn thing going?" "How is it that he can continue to abuse me through the courts?" And, "Why do the rulings more often than not favor his side?" If you have asked yourself either of these questions, then read on because this article is for you. Divorce War as Legalized Domestic Violence When the public looks in on a case and declares domestic abuse indeed exists, then what usually happens is that the micro-dynamics quickly shift. The battlefield fills with foreign soldiers as the sticks and stones in your backyard are replaced by judges, attorneys and...

If you've been falsely accused of a domestic violence crime, don't delay to speak with a domestic violence attorney. Proper legal advice is pertinent to build an adequate defense in a court of law, and a court-appointed attorney will not likely provide the complex legal help you need in such a case. Being falsely accused of domestic violence should not be taken lightly. It is a serious offense. Judge and jury are often sympathetic toward the abused, even if that person has not really been "abused" as he or she states. A conviction of domestic violence can bring life-changing consequences for you and your family. It can also affect any future divorce or custody cases if children are involved. Take...

Why do domestic abuse victims see the abuse dynamic in their home, but fail to recognize it in their divorce proceedings? The answer to this question is the same answer to the question, "Why doesn't she awaken to the abuse in her home?" You know the answer: she is part of the very dynamic for which she seeks remedy. Here are some common and deadly mistakes victims of domestic violence make as they navigate the system en route to divorce closure and protection from abuse. 1) Failure to recognize the possibility (much less the reality) of the abuse dynamic between themselves and their own attorneys. 2) Failure to realize how their divorce lawyer's fees will be paid after the initial retainer runs out...

Domestic abuse survivors hear it all the time: "You're too fat." "That dress makes you look like..." "Your hair is too short, too long, you're a dummy, you're too fat, you can't, you won't, you shouldn't, you're too fat!" Sound familiar. It's no wonder that domestic abuse survivors develop dysfunctional relationships with their bodies and unhealthy eating habits. Far be it for him to see me enjoying a candy bar...so I'll sneak it in and have it while alone in my car. As one survivor shared, pulling out that snickers in the privacy of her car was her way of both satisfying her chocolate craving and doing so without reprimand or guilt over indulging in a personal pleasure. Or how about this one: When...

The community treatment of abused women, even in large metropolitan areas, remains in the Dark Ages, according to my experience as a clinician. Instead of being nursed and pampered, victims are forced to live in dank shelters and given menial chores plus made to care for themselves and any children. One of my patients who had no-where else to go in order to escape her abuser spent one night with her small son in one of these places and left as soon as she could the next day. She told me the place was a roach-infested rat's nest. Yet these women have no friends for the most part because their abusers have chased them all away. Their families have given up on them in many cases. Because abuse results...

Leah has had a difficult life. Raising eight children in an abusive household can take its toll. Once she learned the truth however, she was able to free herself from the horror and now she hopes to help other women be free from their own lives of terror and pain. Her website contains a wealth of information, resources, and help for other victims of Domestic Abuse. She has recently upgraded the content and made it even easier for women to become empowered and get the help they need. To help win the fight of abuse against women, Leah’s first goal is education and empowerment. To understand and recognize abuse requires that the victim first recognize when they are being abused.  Many forms of abuse...

We often hear the terms emotional abuse and verbal abuse used interchangeably, as though they were one and the same. It's more accurate to say the two expressions of abuse do indeed overlap. Verbal Abuse versus Emotional Abuse Verbal abuse is the use of specific language to demean, belittle, or outright slander and harm another person. Whereas, emotional violations are the use of manipulation, deception or deprivation intended to violate the emotional or psychological integrity of the abused. Where they overlap is when verbal altercations are emotionally abusive, or when emotional manipulations are delivered in the form of name-calling and/or verbal character assaults. Now you may think this is all...

A few years ago, the Georgia Department of Human Resource put out a report which stated that every nine seconds a woman in the United States becomes the victim of domestic violence. That is a shocking statistic. Former Wisconsin Congressman Mark Green put it in perspective when he stated, "If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night." Indeed it would and then maybe the glaring and harsh spotlight would focus on the people that have turned domestic violence into the epidemic that it is; the abusers. There are many motivating factors that cause a spouse to lash out...

Married women on their way out of an abusive relationship are frequently found navigating the system en route to safety. But is their path safe? Not necessarily so. We frequently see women struggling in relation to their legal counsel just as they struggled in their battering relationship. And they feel worn down, confused, taken advantage of... What often happens is these women engage in their relationship with their legal representation just as they engaged in relation to the "white knight" from whom they are seeking refuge. They look to this person as their savior, leaping in with blind faith. When told exactly what they want to hear, they saddle up and go for the ride. Sadly for some, years go...

Domestic Violence: Steps To Help End It First Know The Signso Alienating you from your friends and familyo Having you account for your time wherever and whoever you are witho Hitting, slapping, punching and shovingo Making you ask permission to do somethingo Calling all the time to make sure you are homeo Breaking things in the home or punching holes in the wallso Making threats against you or the childreno Feeling tension when that person is coming home Steps To Take:o Seek counseling for the whole familyo Have someone come and stay with you that can diffuse the situation, not someone who will make it worseo Set up intervention in a safe and neutral placeo Call 911 if you or the children are hurto...

We hear a lot about the "he said, she said" when it comes to relationship violence. The challenge for advocates and interventionists is to accurately ascertain, not only "who did what" but even more revealing, what are the underlying dynamics inspiring the altercations between the parties? There are some clear distinctions between classic "intimate partner violence" and "interactional relationship abuse." 1) Classic intimate partner abuse is one-way. That is the control dynamic within the relationship is consistently in one direction: from the empowered person in the relationship to the un-empowered person in the relationship. Whereas in interactional relationship violence, the control dynamics are...

Domestic violence is like a disease that you refuse to get rid of. The inflicted damage by your spouse, either physical or mental, is obvious, but you keep finding was on rationalizing the actions of your partners. You may be telling people that his abusive behavior is not indicative of his real self and they you triggered the violence to occur. Truly, domestic violence completely changes the complexion of your marriage and the dynamics of your relationship. From a loving and assertive spouse, you have become a scared and submissive partner who obeys the every whim of his or her spouse just to avoid further abuse. Ironically, the fact that you condone this behavior proves that you are letting...

Over the years I have been watching men and women grow to become self-sufficient, self-respecting people who have no tolerance for being abused any more. These people have completely healed from domestic abuse. How do you know if you are going to be one of these people versus the person that ends up in another abusive relationship? Here are some pointers for knowing you're home free when it comes to being victimized by intimate partner abuse... 1) You are more interested in being centered, than being right. We know that abusers need to be "right." That's part of the dynamics of abusive relationships. Batterers maintain an unequal balance of power in these relationships, by always coming up on top...

Anger and abuse in relationships are about blame: "I feel bad, and it's your fault." Even when resentful, angry, or emotionally abusive people recognize their behavior, they are likely to blame it on their partners: "You push my buttons," or, "I might have overreacted, but I'm human, and look what you did!" Angry and abusive partners tend to be anxious by temperament. From the time they were young children, they've had a consistent sense of dread that things will go badly and they will fail to cope. They try to control their environment to avoid terrible feelings of failure and inadequacy. The strategy of trying to control others fails even if they are powerful, for the simple reason that the...

Understanding the conditioning that occurs in abusive relationships is key to one's survival in, and after, the relationship. Here are three keys to help you see the role and effects of conditioning in abusive relationships. 1) You did not make him/her do it or say it. You probably know this from the core of your being, but may have trouble believing it with your thinking brain, due to the ongoing conditioning that happens in abusive relationships. With most things in the relationship-when the finger is pointed- it usually lands on the person with the less power. And when that person owns the fault for whatever transgression is up for consideration, then rewards are bestowed upon them. This is where...

We've all heard it happens and if you've ever been in an abusive relationship you know those promises like the back of your hand. They seem so sweet in the first handful of rounds living in an abusive relationship. And all that happens in the relationship immediately after feels just the same...real sweet. HONEYmoon sweet. You know there is a "but" coming here. I know you can feel it. ...But, when one yields to the promises, here's what happens. A) For the Abuser Abuser conditioning - Taking the person back after an assault (whether physical, emotional or verbal abuse), essentially sends a message that the abuser can "get away" with that level of abuse. This is part of how the stage is built for...

This day and age, women know that if they scream "abuse" to the court systems, they will automatically get temporary custody of the kids until the issue goes to court. This can happen at any time, whether it be during a separation, divorce case, or even out of the blue if you obtained custody in courts and all of a sudden, she decides that she wants it back. But don't let false allegations get you down-you can fight it, and it's important to know the technicalities involved. First off, demand proof. Even though what your wife is doing is essentially hearsay, a Judge will still strongly consider any emergency ex parte restraining order that comes across their desk. Abuse and violence, when it comes...

You have decided being a domestic violence advocate is your calling in life. Your reasons are personal and varied.. You have worked out the ethics and appropriateness of your choice. You have established your boundaries. You may be a survivor and wish to provide assistance to others but know you cannot use the job as your own personal therapy. You may have the desire to provide resources and empowerment to those escaping a violent situation but you understand that you aren't a savior or rescuer. You may wish to educate segments of the population, public or professional, but have learned that being an expert doesn't preclude listening and learning. Grassroots advocacy back in "the day", the 60's...

As a part of the ongoing campaign to bring awareness to the nation about its Domestic Violence and Abuse epidemic, recording artist, E. Walter Smith will sing the song he penned titled, Tenderness, at numerous powerful and important events around the United States. Smith says his song is about "accepting love after abuse." "I recently dated someone who had a history of being abused. The main challenges of our relationship stemmed from her inabilities to love herself and to trust me. We realized that she needed more time to heal and that ultimately, we would both be better served as each other's friend. I had never been in a relationship with someone that had been abused, so it was a learning...

"If there is something I want from her, I can let her know without bullying, attacking, threatening or belittling her." Sounds like a dream come true, doesn't it? This is the observation of one middle-aged successful businessman in domestic abuse counseling three months into the intervention. Imagine your spouse doing the same. Why Do People Resort to Violating Others to Get What They Want? The answer to this question holds the insight into this man's transformation. At the core is a belief that what one wants will not be forthcoming on its own. Now this can come from history within the relationship and/or personal history in general. It may have to do with deservingness issues laid over entitlement...

Training new employees or volunteers in a domestic violence program can be a daunting task. It is critical that they understand the ethics of the profession. This outline is an overview of best practices and ethical advocacy for domestic violence advocates. 1. Safety - Ensure immediate safety. A DV victim will not be able to think clearly, talk or plan if she is afraid. Explore ways she can maximize her safety whether or not she leaves the relationship. Explore options with her - shelter, obtaining a protection order, contacting police, getting an attorney, leaving the area for an undisclosed location, setting aside money to leave at a later date, safety planning, or talking to trusted family and...

When a person leaves an emotionally abusive relationship, it requires a lot of effort and courage to follow through with the split. Even though the intellect may dictate that this is the right choice, the heart may be ambivalent and insecure about whether it is possible to go on alone. Unfortunately, the result of emotional abuse is frequently a sense of inferiority, incompetence, or even a lack of mental stability. The abuser's agenda to convince the victim of this reality can become a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. Thus, the victim may break away but hold on to the residual belief that he or she is not able to function and go on in a healthy way without the abuser. Here are 3 strategies to help...

The concept of loyalty is a positive one in most people's minds. It conjures visions of devotion, commitment, love, respect, and honor. In a healthy relationship that involves two emotionally balanced people, loyalty is appropriate and can cement a mutually satisfying, fulfilling union. However, there are instances where "loyalty" can be seriously misplaced. If a partner is being abused emotionally or otherwise by the other person in the relationship, the devotion and attachment shown by the victim is unhealthy. Here are 4 reasons the concept of loyalty can be misplaced in abusive relationships: 1. Loyalty should arise out of love, empathy, and concern for how the other person would react were...