AbuseAtHome

The Next Step: Denial In Part I, we looked at the initial progression of the verbally or emotionally abusive relationship. Although the enabler-victim tries to overlook consistently hurtful actions at the hands of her abuser, the abuse not only continues; it increases. In the final few sentences of my first article I wrote, "...this person whom you have loved and tried to please is hurting you and doesn't care." In a relationship with an abuser, what I have written is, for all intents and purposes, true. Understand that an abuser wants the victim in his life, but on his terms. "An abuser will do anything to keep you, but nothing to take care of you." Nevertheless, the enabler-victim would probably...

Of course the best way to protect yourself from emotional abuse in a relationship is to leave it and find a better one. Most individuals are unable to muster the courage to do this for many reasons that involve fear. I have written about this in another article (i.e. Relationships: The Fear Of Letting Go Of A Bad Relationship). One of the reasons why an individual is a) hurt by such emotional abuse and b) has trouble leaving the relationship in the first place is that deep down they "believe" what is being thrown at them by their abuser. Now I know that some of you may not only find this hard to believe you may also find it to be an offensive statement. It isn't meant to be. Let me explain what I...

Depression is very common in our busy world. It may be a result of chemical issues within the brain, past traumas, current challenging circumstances, or any combination of the above. To make matters more complicated, often our relationships contribute to our difficulties -- and we may not be fully aware of it. The nature of emotional abuse is such that it is common for the victim to believe that the problems are his or her fault. Here are 4 methods to counteract the depression brought about by emotional and psychological abuse: 1. Take care of your physical body. Because the body and mind are inextricably linked, taking care of one can help improve the condition of the other. Eat well, take...

Research shows that the parenting style used on a child during the first 3 to 4 years of his life is the strongest factor that determines his level of self-esteem. Parenting style refers to how parents treat, guide, and nurture their young. It encompasses the messages that parents communicate to a child, verbally and non-verbally, about how lovable, worthy, capable, acceptable and important he is. From the time of infant-hood to childhood, a child's sense of self is defined by how he was treated and what he was told by his parents and primary caregivers. Infants especially, have no knowledge of who they are as a separate person so they rely heavily on their parents' feedback. When our parents...

If you live with a resentful, angry, or emotional abusive person, you have most likely have already tried marriage counseling or individual psychotherapy. You may have tried sending your partner to some kind of anger-management group. Let me guess your experience: Your personal psychotherapy did not help your relationship, marriage counseling made it worse, your partner's psychotherapy made it still worse, and his anger-management or abuser classes lowered the tone but not the chronic blame of his resentment, anger, or abuse. Fortunately, you can learn something about healing from each one of these failed treatments, which we will examine next, one by one. Why Marriage Counseling Fails By the time...

One of the most difficult settings a person has to live and cope with is a relationship. It can be complicated, as many may have experienced. Here and there, online and offline, texts about tips on relationships abound, as if it is a mystery having to be deciphered, or a leap into a void of uncertainty. But is there ever an accurate manual in creating a successful relationship? After all, relationships differ from one to another, just as one person is distinct from the next. Certain rules may apply for some, for others not. As there is no definite or step-by-step guide to having a happy relationship, those in it are placed in a vulnerable position. For instance, if a relationship happens to be...

The issues surrounding workplace bullying go much deeper than the superficial desire of establishing control and power over other people. Often its roots go way back from early childhood experiences of the bully. They may have been inflicted with traumatic emotional abuse that made them overly competitive and constantly seeking to prove their self-worth. It is only appropriate then to understand the root causes of the bully to fully find the means to mend the brokenness on these people. They need to understand they don't need to resort to bullying in order to establish balance in their lives. Studies show that most managers abuse for two common reasons. One is the normative source and the other is...

This scenario happens more often in divorces today: A client comes in and states that he/she and their spouse are still living together, but not getting along. Both parties want a divorce and in the divorce, they both want the house and/or house and children. The client retains an attorney to begin the Divorce process. However, the next call I get is my client stating that he or she was just served with a Domestic Violence Injunction and he/she was ordered out of the home and therefore, cannot see his/her children or have no place to live because they cannot go back into the home. Domestic violence injunctions are highly overused by parties in a divorce. To get an injunction, a person goes to the...

Hopefully, your youngsters have learned how to respect you and tend not to speak for you with venom in their voices. Those of us that have youngsters now know that if we ever dared to speak badly to our father and mother, we would have deeply regretted it. We may possibly have even tried it a few times, only to learn quite swiftly that this isn't acceptable. These days, nonetheless, for some cause, young people discuss to their moms and dads with so very much disrespect it borders on verbal abuse. Even worse, these father and mother take it and shrug it off. If your kid has decided to speak for you with less than the respect you really feel you deserve, the greatest thing you are able to do for them...

Louis tries to avoid his 80-year-old lawyer father who lives eight miles from his own practice. Whenever he musters the courage to go see him, he finds himself immediately on the defensive. It is like tiptoeing around a minefield, knowing that one false step means a harmful explosion. As soon as Louis opens his mouth, his father finds something wrong with him-his appearance, what he says, how he says it, what he has or has not done. His father discounts Louis's pro bono work and complains that the 42-inch screen TV Louis brought does not meet his standards. His father scrutinizes, judges, and criticizes Louis's every phrase by his words, tone, or inflection. Louis always feels like a hapless defense...

The mind-emotion-body connection is something some of us take for granted, while others remain in awe. I do both. Now here is a little psychological insight that will open doors for your recovery from psychological, mental and emotional abuse. Go ahead and get your coffee or herbal tea because we're going to have another one of those psychological conversations. Thought-Emotion-Physiology When a little thought registers in our minds-when we intentionally or unconsciously think a thought-limbic system activation occurs. Now the limbic system is the emotional brain. It's the place in the brain where emotion registers. This limbic system activation triggers a hypothalamic-pituitary response, as though...

Are you accused of a domestic violence infraction? This can be a serious charge. It is best to have legal representation for matters like these. These things are too important to leave to chance. Here are some things that an Atlanta criminal attorney can do for you. What to expect Your legal counsel can advise you on what to expect. He or she has experience with these matters. This may be the first time that you have been involved in something like this. If it is not, it is even more vital to have proper legal advice. You may need to go to trial or come to a plea agreement. These are major decisions. You need to know the benefits and repercussions of these types of proceedings. You could be facing...

This story is based on several cases from my counseling practice. When Timmy, aged nine, arrived at school this morning, he was tired and stressed out. He spent another night hiding under his bed with his sister until his father passed out drunk around 3:30 A. M. Timmy and his sister helped their mother wash and bandage her face and arms before they all fell into bed. Two hours later the alarm went off to awaken them for school. Timmy and his sister barely caught the school bus. They threw their disheveled clothes on and tumbled out the door with no breakfast. Timmy's teacher took one look at him and knew he just slept a couple of hours. It would be another school day lost by Timmy forever. Domestic...

How shall one fully divorce a devil? First wholeheartedly divorce the demon Rooted and dwelling deeply in you The evil spirit that ought not to Give you uncontrollable impulses Vicious anger and rage beyond restraint Foul verbosity that from gentleness deviates Devours, destroys, degrades, and denigrates The humanity within the object of your affection. Oh, but you say, they deserve it because... Is that so? Do we overcome evil with evil? Or do we overcome evil with loving-kindness? Conquer evil with good, the way life should Be happily lived, tenderly loved, and laughed Through whenever we go through tribulations Trials, torment, and circumstantial pressure Far above and beyond our own ability to...

I get sick to my stomach whenever I see news about someone suffering from verbal abuse and then that person staying with someone else and then the tragedy unfolding. It does not have to be that way. Love does not have to hurt. Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship and hearing any verbal abuse. Getting out, leaving is always an option. In my view, the best option. Why are we fascinated by celebrities who leave and get divorces often? Because those celebrities have the means to live on their own and they are in an environment that puts the value on the individual. They think that they are important. They do not tolerate disrespect. They value themselves. They know that their happiness...

Are you being victimized by an abuser? Learn the characteristics of an abuser and escape before the abuse starts. 1. Ridicules, Criticizes, and Condemns Does your partner ridicule, criticize, and condemn you? Those who put others down to feel better about themselves often resort to other bad behavior to feel better about themselves too. Don't allow anyone to condemn you, ridicule your choices, or criticize who you choose to be. Walk away. 2. Anger Management Difficulties Does your partner have a short fuse? Does your partner anger easily? Those who anger easily, unable to reason through issues and difficulties often resort to abuse to get what they want. If he kicks the door down, how long will it...

Many times women will make totally untrue allegations regarding domestic violence. Often the first response from the Father is outrage and he goes on the defensive, which is exactly what she is hoping for. This ploy is often used to throw a kink into the custody proceedings and to hopefully keep the father from obtaining, or keeping, custody of the children. Women often make these allegations after talking with others who encourage them to "speak out" and can twist what is a normal situation into something ugly. Women's support groups, female friends and family and even police officers will often encourage the woman to make a domestic violence case out of something that never should have been...

Domestic violence may be charged as a felony or misdemeanor in Los Angeles and California. In most cases, whether or not this crime is prosecuted as one or the other has to do with the severity of the injuries received by the victim as well as with the criminal past of the accused. Those charged with this crime have no opportunity to have the charges dropped if it is being prosecuted as a felony. The state will prosecute the charges whether or not the victim wishes to have the case brought into court. Police officers in Los Angeles have tremendous leeway when domestic violence is suspected. They may seize any weapons in the house, including firearms, separate the couple and police officers are...

Adult survivors of childhood emotional abuse may have spent long years thinking all kinds of negative things about themselves: "I'm not supposed to be here," "I'm worthless," "I don't deserve to be happy or successful or liked"...because that's what these victims were told by those whose authority they respected. They may have attracted a series of abusers into their lives over the years, who've only reinforced the negative messages of the original abuser. It's likely that the victim still has an abuser in his or her life, whether parent, spouse, significant other, or lesser player. And that negative self-image is reinforced, layer upon layer. As a result, the internal conversation going on in your...

The moment the verbal assault springs off his/her tongue, the natural reflex is "ouch." Correct? But lucky for you, it doesn't have to be. Let's face it, you cannot control what's up with another person, much less what they dish out, but you certainly can control yourself. And when it comes to verbal abuse you have a choice. What is your choice with verbal abuse? You can let in or not let it in! Okay, I can hear you thinking: that's easier said than done. However, I'm not sure it's a matter of "ease" as much as it is a discipline that grows out of you from within. It's a discipline that says...a) I choose peace over being right.b) Your actions, feelings and thoughts are about you, not me.c) I am the...

Domestic violence has always had a high level of secrecy attached to it, since both the abused and the abuser will rarely tell you what exactly is happening behind those closed doors. Their reasons for such justification may be different, but do not believe all those myths you hear about violence -- they are simply not real. There are a few common myths surrounding violence at home, and none of them are true. Like 'domestic violence happens due to a momentary fit of anger'; the truth is domestic violence is exactly the opposite of "a fit of anger". The wife beater is completely aware when he is resorting to domestic violence. He chooses to exercise what he thinks is his right to control his spouse...

It is classic among practitioners of abuse. Verbally they can be unbelievably cruel to you; publicly humiliating you without a second thought. When they get you home, they really let you have it; cranking it up a notch until you are reduced to tears. Seeing you like that gives them an energy boost. They understand completely the power they have over you and now it's time to assert that power to its fullest extent. For the ones who practice the physical it's just slightly different. They may or may not hit you in public but when they get you home, watch out. And just like the verbal, seeing you hurt physically and emotionally gives them an added sense of power. There's no doubt in their minds about...

To add insult to injury, confusion to the complicated, mystery to the already oozing drama is the use of your own family to carry out your abusive partner's agenda. Why? Whose Family Is My Family? If you're perplexed as to why your parents are suddenly supporting your partner's desire to have you out of your house, or his interest to have you out of your children's lives, it may be time to look closer at the dynamics in play. If you don't, you may be inadvertently allowing for the destruction of some important family support at a time when you need them most. In fact this, in part, is why this strategy is often used. It adds to your isolation! What to Do When You Notice Your Family Is Acting Like...

A hidden camera is definitely the furthermost invention ever when it comes to home security. There are so many different ways to implement a spy hidden camera. You can exercise them to catch grafiti artists on your property, burglars, and my personal favorite..Evidence in a home abuse case. There are alot of atypical cases of home abuse all the time and it is expanding. There ought to be a voice to speak out contrary to it. Those who do it adore to keep the truth in the shadows but, light will conquer darkness 100 percent of the time. Males and females alike need to join concurrently in this war. Countless times have I seen folks lose site of the big picture because of gender biasness. With a hidden...

Are you manipulated, controlled, harassed, or assaulted in some way and can't figure out how you got there? or how to get out? This is abuse. Sometimes the abuser may try to make you feel as if you deserved to be treated this way. Don't let this happen. This is brainwashing. What are some of these actions of abuse? They include put downs, outbursts, humiliating remarks, lies, "gaslighting", rages, assaults, yelling, intimidation, threats, belittling, betrayals, judging and criticizing. Your reaction can be a mixture of rage, fear, timidity or confusion. HOW CAN I STOP THE MANIPULATOR? You can change your behavior and your reactions. It takes two to make the manipulation work. If you empower yourself...

It's not breaking the eggs that does the lasting harm; it's the continual walking eggshells. Emotional damage has a way of lingering in the times between resentful, angry, or abusive flare-ups. The empty, dull ache of unhappiness is most accurately measured in the accumulative effect of these small moments of disconnection, isolation, and dread. If you live with a resentful, angry, or abusive partner, you probably have a vague feeling, at least now and then, that you have lost yourself. In your constant efforts to tiptoe around someone else's moods in the hope of avoiding blow-ups, put-downs, criticism, sighs of disapproval, or cold shoulders, you constantly edit what you say. You second-guess your...

I read the newspaper and watch CNN...so much bad news; 'husband kills wife and children', 'mother starves child', '9 year old kills father', on and on it goes day in and day out. How do we end this kind of inhumanity toward man? Where's the love?...It seems to me that somehow we must go back to basics," back to our future!" Christ was all about love; "Be ye kind one to another." Indeed, like it or not, the answer, the solution, is in the Old and New Testaments of the Holy Bible. Even for nonbelievers the principles still work to prevent and to help solve the disturbances and disruptions in families everywhere. And so I believe that dysfunctional families are the result of peoples' ignorance...God...

The secret to quitting your job and getting home based business is actually not secret at all. Let me tell you a story before I get to the tools of quitting your job and starting a home based business. There was a girl that was in a relationship with a man for 7 years. This man was a very mean person and he beat this woman continuously. This girl had 4 children by this man and they lived together. One day this man left this girl and their children and married another woman leaving this girl to take care of her children alone. This girl then went on to nursing school and fought and eventually won the battle to becoming a nurse. When this girl graduated from nursing school she then realized that...

It's not breaking the eggs that does the lasting harm; it's the continual walking eggshells. Emotional damage has a way of lingering in the times between resentful, angry, or abusive flare-ups. The empty, dull ache of unhappiness is most accurately measured in the accumulative effect of these small moments of disconnection, isolation, and dread. Take the The following quiz reveals what it feels like to walk on eggshells day after day. Read it aloud - the objectivity in hearing your own voice say the words - especially your answers -is the first step toward healing. If you live with a resentful, angry, or abusive partner, you probably have a vague feeling, at least now and then, that you have lost...

Negotiation differs from power struggles in a crucial way. Negotiation is a request for cooperation, i.e., willingly doing something that promotes relationship harmony or accomplishes mutual goals. Power struggles, on the other hand, require one person to submit to something against his or her better judgment. Requests for cooperation may require persuasion, e.g., "This is why I would like you to do this or why I think it would be best for us." In stark contrast, power struggles feature entitlement or coercion. "I have the right to insist that you do this," or, "You better to do this for me or else." We have a built-in reward for cooperation. It comes from a genetically transmitted trait that...

Many clients who come to therapy suffering from feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem are, in the eyes of others, highly successful and competent in every domain. This is because low self-esteem is rarely about what people can or can't do in practical situations... but really about feeling inferior in a relational way. Another way of saying this might be that people with low self esteem too easily "doubt themselves." Low self esteem is "Self-doubt" Very often this situation has it's original roots in childhood experience where a dominating or demanding parent has systematically undermined the child's confidence. Typically there will have been an insecure or needy parent who has created a...

The memory is in the muscle. We hear people vividly taste remnants of the feelings surrounding old trauma when faced with a trigger of the context in which that original trauma was experienced. It's truly as though the memory is in the muscle. We know this phenomenon to be characteristic of post-traumatic stress. What's unclear for many is how the emotional memory remains dormant in the psyche and in the tissue over months, years and decades. It is as though all of the sensory neurons of the traumatized memory remain in tack. And once re-tasted, they carry much of the cognitive components associated with that feeling state. There are a number of therapies designed to disentangle the memory on the...

"My ex has lured our son into wanting to live with him and now my son treats me just like my ex did. He has turned our boy against me." If you have left an abuser, you may know this one. Sad to say, almost weekly someone writes to me asking for insight on how to deal with this dilemma. How do you deal with being an estranged parent? What can you do for your brainwashed child? Parental Alienation Advice See your child as whole and do your best to feel your wholeness in his (or her) presence. Even though you may know your boy is being compromised by the polarization that he lives, trust in his innate capacity to individuate from his father's control. Know that he can find himself and, from here, he...

We often hear friend's and family members of domestic abuse victims express frustration over their loved one's choosing to remain in their abusive relationships. This is understandable. Question is how can they help the abused? In working with families over the years, I find the best thing to remind them of is the importance of helping the abused build the intra-psychic infrastructure to carry on beyond the abusive relationship. What Is Intra-psychic Infrastructure? Intra-psychic infrastructure is the mental and emotional self-sufficiency that is necessary to see and believe in oneself beyond the abusive relationship. It is the "soft" more intangible element that supports breaking the cycle of abuse...

Domestic violence does not occur in a vacuum. There are warning signs that should serve as red flags that an abusive relationship is developing. Every abusive relationship begins with a 'honeymoon period' where the abusive partner can seem exciting, loving and even tender. In this abusive relationships are just like all other relationships - the excitement of the new, the delight in getting to know someone new, the shared interests. In cases of spousal abuse, however, the relationship turns sour at some point and before long partner battering has replaced nights on the town. Although many victims claim they never saw the abuse coming, there are signs, red flag behaviors to be on the watch for...

A survivor asks, "Once your abusive partner has used the legal system for further abuse, and final papers are filed with you having to see a psychologist of his choosing, what do you do? How do you turn the case around? He continues to threaten to take the children away." When you are in this situation, it feels like something went "wrong." You ask yourself, "How is it that I'm the victim/survivor and I'm having to defend myself and prove my mental/emotional stability." Right? If you are in this boat or headed down this road, you will want to know everything you can about the realities of domestic violence in divorce court. Here are a few pointers to dealing with legal psychiatric/psychological...

You may have asked the question: Why does she stay? Or why does he put up with that? And you may be familiar with the laundry list of inner and outer reasons why people in abusive relationships stay. There are a few "tipping-point" factors to this decision. Seeing other options is the number one key to leaving an abusive relationship in the moment that leaving is ever so right. But very few domestic violence survivors have this in place when they need it most. How can we help those entangled in an abusive relationship to create these "other" options well before they need to exercise them? In working with families, in which daughters (or sons) are entangled in domestic abuse, I have noticed that when...

"No man is worth your tears. And the one who is won't make you cry." -Brian Littrell Physical and emotional abuse can very easily cause deep permanent damage to an individual. What's unfortunate about the situation is that you live in fear of daily abuse but still stay in the relationship. You find yourself covering up the marks, crying through the hurtful words, and making excuses for him. Abusive relationships originate from anger and him establishing a sense of control. Then before you know it he controls every cent you make and how much you spend. Now you're there feeling completely trapped and dependent on him with no way out. It can only be his fault for so long though. You have to get...

No one should have to deal with issues such as abuse and harassment in their relationships, be it with loved ones, coworkers or friends. Everyone should have the benefit of experiencing positive relationships, but when abuse does occur, there are options available for victims to protect themselves. An Orange County restraining order can be filed by victims to protect themselves from their victimizers. Different types of restraining orders exist for the type of abuse or harassment that has occurred. Legal professionals are available to assist victims in filing an Orange County restraining order and to ensure that the correct type of order has been filed. An Orange County restraining order is a court...

By definition, abuse means to use wrongly or improperly, to hurt or injure by maltreatment. Now, how does one define an abusive relationship and how does one get out of it? An abusive relationship is when one partner starts to hurt his/her partner physically, verbally and emotionally and victims of an abusive relationship don't know when to break up until the damage has been done. What determines an abusive relationship? Does it involve an exchange of physical altercations or verbal barrage of insults and putdowns or does it involve hurting the other one emotionally? The answer is a simple yes, whether it's either one or all of the mentioned determinants. Breaking up with an abusive partner is the...

The "Cycle of Violence" theory of domestic violence was first introduced in the 1970's by researcher and feminist Lenore Walker. She based her theory on interviews conducted with women who had survived abusive relationships. The goal of the Cycle of Violence theory was to describe and predict the pattern that violent relationships often fall into. Walker identified three phases that these relationships tended to cycle through: Honeymoon phase: This is where violent relationships often begin. The abuser is charming, caring, gentle and affectionate. He or she may present their victim with gifts, go out of their way to do nice things for them, and generally make their victim feel accepted and loved...

Often it is the person closest to the abused individual that becomes vocal about the existence of an abusive relationship. This may be mother, father, sister, brother or best friend. What becomes most difficult for these bystanders is helping their loved one acknowledge the abuse as they see it. How do you help your daughter, sister or friend awaken to their abusive relationship? Over the years in working with families, I'm aware that their very efforts to accomplish this mission often backfire and at best do nothing. The following five things are most frequently done and are the top five things to actually avoid: 1) Don't tell her that she MUST leave the abusive partner, as this can ignite a parent...

Part of the glue that binds abusive relationships is the victim's sense of perceived responsibility within the relationship. And battered men are as guilty in the responsibility department as are battered women. For the Abused Man You have to endure all and be the strongest all the time, even in the face of your greatest weakness. And you think you must draw from this strength the resources to fix everything. You wear a face of competency, potency and mastery of your environment. Now since failure and inadequacy are not viable outcomes, you have to endure all forms of injustice and abusive humiliation. Suffer in Silence Syndrome You tell yourself your "Job" is to stand here and take it... the verbal...

Abuse in a relationship is one of top reasons couples divorce. When you make that vow, when you make that commitment, you hope in your heart that this will be it. This union will be the one and only union of marriage that you will ever have. Unfortunately for many, the results are not what they originally had anticipated. An abusive relationship is cause for separation and if no change is made in the relationship, then divorce may be your answer. There are different types of abuse that can occur in a relationship. One of these is physical abuse. This kind of abuse is intolerable and should not go on between two people. If there is ever any sort of physical abuse, the victim in the relationship needs...

Nobody ever deserves to get hooked into an abusive relationship, but that is exactly what does happen to a lot of us. In fact, the statistics suggest that 1 in 4 women will undergo domestic violence - and that probably doesn't include those of us who "only" suffer mental and emotional abuse. So why does it happen? Why does it happen, even in these relatively 'enlightened times'? And why does it happen to the rich and famous no less than to anyone else. Secret #1 It doesn't just happen; it comes about for a reason. Abused women settle for an abusive relationship because we were taught to settle for less. Mostly, we were taught by parents, or other carers, to settle for: - Less love - Less respect...

Often times we hear that leaving an abuser, can be deadly. According to FBI reports 75% of all homicides by intimate male partners occurred after the victim left. Battered women are far more vulnerable to physical attack as well as attacks to their personal privacy, their civil liberties and their parental rights after they leave. Now you might ask why. Why are battered women at greater danger when they leave? When a victim leaves an abusive relationship and moves out, the mere physical separation as well as the emotional separation increases the perpetrators need to control his victim. Abuse is fundamentally about control. Violence may be a manifestation of domestic abuse, but domestic abuse if...

Domestic violence affects an estimated 8 million people each year. It is not limited to any gender or orientation, and it can encompass many levels of abuse, such as physical, mental, and emotional. However, another frustrating and frightening form of domestic violence is financial abuse. Although this is most often associated with people taking advantage of the elderly, it can also affect those in marriages or long-term partnerships with an abusive person. With financial abuse, a person economically restricts his or her partner so that this person is limited in both freedom and security. Because the victim has to rely completely on the abuser, this makes the abuser feel powerful and in control...

We hear it all the time: "You're not responsible for your abuser's battering behavior." Yet, victims of domestic abuse spend an inordinate amount of time trying to alter this behavior. Fix it. Change it. Account for it. Often, and usually unknowingly, this invites three deadly mistakes victims of domestic abuse make in their abusive relationships. 3 deadly mistakes of shouldering the responsibility for battering behavior 1) From others: You inadvertently tell bystanders that you own all or part of the battering. You asked for it. You enjoy it...you deserve it. This is where the myth that "she deserves it" comes from. 2) From your partner: When you join the dance and try to change your partner, you...

People who are not victims of domestic violence always wonder why women fail to just leave when they are abused. If you get first hand explanation from this women you will understand why they stay put. No amount of abuse can make them change their decision because of social and emotional factors that are more practical. One of the reasons why women stay in abusive relationships is because they fear further violence. If the woman leaves, the abusive relationship may come to an end but the violence continues. The perpetrators of violence have the tendency of tracking them down and abusing them further. A recent research has proved that women who try to leave are usually followed for months and weeks...